The Republicans were saying a bunch of absurd things about Islam.  So I said a bunch of absurd things about them.  Now the playing field is level.  

This is a response I made to the very serious Victoria Jackson.  

laughingsquid:

Hello, A Remix of Lionel Richie’s “Hello” Made Using Film Clips

The Hoveround was invented by a man named Tom Kruse.  

What a convenient last name.

For me, the sky is the limit.

Probably cuz I wasn’t an astronomy major.  

I wanted to learn more about lizards and salamanders and newts.  

So I went to Lizards.com, but the site was lackadaisical.  Like a garden without daisies.

Then I went to salamanders.com, which had some awesome images.  

But I wanted more.  

So I went to newt.org and found out all I could about the slimy, slithering, wily creatures.  There’s a ton of information on that website about them.  

A ton of reptile pictures, too. 

Unfortunately, nobody could read the signs because they were in Spanish.  

Fighting is never the answer.

Unless the question is “what is never the answer?”

People can obtain a master’s degree in Library Science. I wonder if class participation is awarded or if all students are supposed to remain silent throughout the lecture.

Wife: What would you have done had I slapped you?
Me: Cried.
Wife: Like a baby?
Me: Like a man.